I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
