You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
