Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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