He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
