New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
They took my balls.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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