I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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