OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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