Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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