im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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