I heard we made out
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
