ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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