sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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