I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
