Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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