i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
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I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
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When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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