That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
