Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I AM VODKA MAN
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
