No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
