I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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