I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
