he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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