There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
