The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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