So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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