and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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