ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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