You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
