singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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