so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
