I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
