you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
