If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
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Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
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