I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
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I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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