I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
No...this little piggys going to the bar
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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