I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
