Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
