I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
