I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
