Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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