So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
