Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
my being single is dangerous.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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