My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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