Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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