i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
