I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
