I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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