I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
