Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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