Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
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I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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