Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
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Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
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I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
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