ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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