I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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