the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Randomize
