Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
