so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Houston, we have a squirter
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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