Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
What drink are we having for lunch?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Randomize
