Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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