Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
