I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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