You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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