Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
