I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
