I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
