I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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