drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
