I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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