I murdered the dance floor call the cops
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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